I decided to discard ALL the thoughts I have prior to 1/10/19. If I want to proceed forward, I got to think straight from now on.
#traxxfm Hi baby, I think this will be my first and last attempt to purposely be in isolation. It's too depressing. I rather have your company instead.
#traxxfm I hope the books arrived. This is taking longer than usual. Normally it is 3 days; which supposed to be on the 2/10/19.
So from now on I just talk about basic stuff.
#traxxfm You know something, as much as I am govern by my state of mind, I can still have control over my illness. For example I should not watch Joker. It really threw me off for a couple of days.
So what I'll do now is to start living like a normal person. I don't want to analyze thing too much.
Like I said, starting 1/10/19 I will discard ALL the thoughts I have about God and the afterlife. I don't think I want to rationalize any of the thoughts.
From now on I keep my thoughts simple. Nothing beyond what I can perceive with my 5 senses. As far as I am concern I walk the path less traveled and from here on I concluded that they don't make sense.
#traxxfm It's nice to have my thoughts to myself again. I know you may think these are rudimentary but its *[] easy for a person like me to attain. It doesn't just happen. Even with modern medication. I need to have an anchor to act as a pivot. *Sarah
#traxxfm So as you moderate the conference this 9/10/19 bear in mind that mental illness cannot be solved by medication alone. We need people who *[who] care about the severity of the person's condition. We are humans too. *Sarah's intervention.
#traxxfm The experience is much like riding a boat. Initially there were turbulent waves. Then *i[n] recedes. Now it's just ripples. Imagine, for it to move from tidal waves to ripples took me 20 years. That's why I said love conquers all.
I don't know if she appreciates what I'm trying to tell her. She probably think this is one of my crazy stunts to impress her.
Anyway, I am doing myself a big favor. I am giving myself an outlet to express myself.
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So what I decided from now on is to do away with the thoughts that I am God. I don't want to think along that line at all. I just want to be ordinary.
Can you imagine Sarah, for the past 20 years I had to deal with such thoughts.
Now my thoughts are much simplified. Nothing esoteric. I think if I continue with this kind of thinking I can even do away with believing in anything without evidence. Then again none of these thoughts matters.
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