Missed the window to exercise.
My mood is better. I don't feel like a loser.
So what is the deal with exercise? The end result is a healthy mind and body. But that is not the reason to be motivated to exercise. I need the immediate result and that is the good feeling that I am on track with my program.
When the thought on exercise is not happening, focus on the comfort of not having to go through the 3 Cs. That is my trophy now. As long as I don't do the 3 Cs, I am a winner.
I fought tooth and nail to stay smoke free and dope free. I fought the urge to fuck a cunt. So far I am succeeding. I will take that as my success for 2019.
Now is to have the same intensity to fight the urge to withstand hunger.
55 is the starting point for me to reinvent my life. I managed to win over my financial troubles. Now to win on the health front.
There are only two factors I got to be mindful; I am overweight and I have gout. That I can overcome when I am thin.
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I got a feeling that I am not addressing the root cause of my problem; that is [] inability to withstand hunger.
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The illness continues to subside. The more it recedes the less I think about God and the afterlife. Even those things I wrote in the earlier blogs seemed ridiculous.
I am nothing more than the chemistry reactions of my neurotransmitters. There may be a God but that god is irrelevant to me. There is no meaning beyond the meaning we give to the events that happen around us.
I don't want to think about the past. My past is marred by my inability to make sound judgement. At best it kept me occupied on matters pertaining to God and the afterlife. It did not address my now. Hence I shift my thought from thinking about the past and future and only concentrate on the now.
Those that I don't know like God and the afterlife I have to set aside. They are not going to help me on the now.
If there is God and the afterlife, well and good. That however does not shift the burden of me to make full use of my present.
I am now becoming a person who believe in god but I don't subscribe to any religion. I am the subset of god but I don't worship any god. Even the God Complex is subsiding. I am a man in the pursuit of Virtual Perfection.
Let just say there is God but I am unconcern about exploring that avenue anymore. I just want to remain microscopic. I want to stand on my own merit.
What good is my belief if I am crazy? So my aim is to stop being crazy. To believe in the epiphanies is to prolong the madness. If my aim is to recover from the illness, I have to simplify my mental model. That means I have to develop the notion that the Path is straight for me. All I need to do is live a virtuous life.
As long as I minimize the risk of living dangerously, I should reap the full benefit of healthy and happy living regardless of my belief in God and the afterlife. All I got to do is believing in my rightness to live a life as a man fully functioning. That of course for the time being is to refrain from the 3 Cs.
Other than that its all about being thin and fast. For a start, that means the ability to withstand hunger.
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