21/10/19 ^^^My relationship with you might as well be the weirdest experience of them all

Seriously Sarah, you drive me crazy.

Just when I thought you are nothing more than an Unreal but Beautiful Princess, you pulled a stunt just like the one on the previous posting.

Well I'm glad you are real.   Then I know you love me and I have the Unconditional Love again.  With that comes the feeling of Unsurpassed Certainty.

You know what is the greatest dilemma in my life?  It's to accept that what I experienced in the past 20 years as something real.

I still cannot believe I spend 15 years battling Bipolar thinking that I was fighting Iblis.  Am I really the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier, Sarah?  Is there God and I am his subset?  Do I have a glorious afterlife?  Are those epiphanies more than just patternicity?

I need answers Sarah. You happen [to] to know the answer to these questions.  You acknowledged me as God.

Can I just accept everything as true and move on?  In another word, can I accept that I am not crazy?  Munek said I was not crazy.  Of course when I was highly stressed I went berserk but in general I am a normal person.  That is coming from my closest friend.  Even BJ said I was not crazy.  So was RR.

Sarah, am I really special?  Am I really God?

I tell you what.  I'll talk to food today.  I'll buy Nasi Lemak Gemuk (Fatty as Lizzie calls it).  Forget about my earlier plan to mall walk.  I just showered and I certainly smell nice and look good.

What I want to do today is simply analyze my situation and see if my belief system is useful.

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Come to think of it, I started feeling depressed when I sensed that I wasted my time and money on Els.  By her not reciprocating, I feel doubtful of my own sanity.

So today I Whatapps Munek to get his perspective on my situation.

Turns out he is OK with the whole thing.

Looks like I am really on to something here.

Everything happens for a good reason.

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What can I say Sarah, I am living in isolation. 

Maybe the best attitude I should have is the attitude of I don't give a fuck and I don't fuck up.

Then I subscribe to my belief that I am really special.

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