What is it I am looking for? None other than to be loved. Certainly I am not gonna get it from Els and TraXX. I wasted a lot of money just [t]o that I get accepted by them. As far as ROI is concern, it's money down the drain. I am not going to spend anymore on Els and TraXX.
Not just money wise. I had spend a lot of effort in Tweeting to.
What I should do is to keep my thoughts only to myself in this blog.
I had decided that none of my thoughts in the past are real. What is real is now. This is the real deal. I am a recovering mental patient and I am in pursuit of my Vision Quest.
I should not rationalized my thoughts in the past. Once I discard the thoughts, I am pretty much focused on the now.
Consider that as a phase in my life. Who I was the past 20 years should not define my next 22 years. For the years to come my focus is to be a man fully functioning, mentally and physically.
Hence the utmost priority is to stop any dependency on the 3 Cs. I still had a dream that I smoked dope.
I will also stop any dependency on Els. A warrior walks alone. An eagle flies alone. This next 3 months is about living in solitude
According to Brenda, I should cut off from External Affairs.
There is no interconnection between mutually independent events. Therefore all past coincidences are patternicities.
As long as I don't achieve my goal to be thin and fast I am just wasting my true potential as a man fully functioning.
Let me test Els:
Naaah, no need. Just RIP CORD.
DO NOT CREATE DEPENDENCIES.
Where I am going, I am going alone.
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