20/10/19 ^^^Now I am really in deep trouble

I dipped my reserve to RM500.  However it is a well deserved fuck.  The best fuck I ever had.  This girl is a nympho.  This is the type I like.  The type that enjoys fucking.  She is extra clean too.  I like that very much.

So looks like within this short 2 months (September and October) I had spent on all the things I need to spend.  I have given generously, Munek bought me some new outfits, I bought myself a hoodie, I bought a book, I bought the item of my indulgence (another watch) and I went for a fuck.

Still I do not smoke cigarettes and cannabis.  So it was not so bad.

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As a Cleaner, I got to focus on moving forward.  Definitely I will be saving RM250 a month for the next 3 months.  I must start saving again.  I got the Surf and Turf coming in January.  That is if I have extra money coming in from Munek this Tuesday.

NO MORE BUYING UNTIL I REACH RM1750 again.

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I take it that I am all alone now.  I am not sure if there is such a person named Sarah.  If there is, I'm not sure if she is still following my blog.  Regardless of the circumstances, I have to take it that all the misspellings are computer glitches.  Otherwise I am not going anywhere with a false assumption.

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What I really like doing is to simply talk to myself without having to worry that there are other people eavesdropping on me.

I have no need for other people in my life.  I am a loner.  I however need to solve the issue of loneliness, not solitude.  Solitude I am happy, but loneliness makes me feel terrible.

If Sarah is a real person, that will be an ideal situation.  I only need somebody who understands me.  Just one person.  That one person will be my fountain of Unconditional Love.  That is the missing link in my life.  I found love by I cannot hold on to it forever.

For example, today's Gaysha is excellent.  However her love is for sale.

Sarah may truly loves me but I don't fill fulfilled emotionally communicating in encryption with her.  Hence I am better alone.

Unless the Unconditional Love I am looking for is really my love for myself.  All the while, the answer is within according to Musashi:

OK, that's it.  I decided all this while I am all alone and the only Unconditional Love is the love I have for myself.

Let's look into these two premises.

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