I'm on Lite. I think I can manage my excitement by doing that. There's too much talk on the Evening Drive.
It rained just now. So I call off my afternoon walk.
When I look at my situation, I can safely conclude that I am a loner. I am happy just having a handful of people that I interact with. That keeps my scope small.
I am not a sociable person to start with. Henceforth the things I talk about doesn't concern others. These things I talk about with you are pretty much the things I thought of on daily basis. Sure, I used to talk about big things in life. However those things have [t]o bearing to what I do on daily basis.
The things I talk about may only interest me. Does that mean I am a bore? Maybe to others. But to me every thought is a building block to a greater aspiration. Diet and exercise lead to thin and fast. That eventually leads to health and happiness. That's all to it. The rest are merely anecdotes and parables to achieve this aspiration.
As a matter of fact I hardly talk to people. I talk to you because you are within the sphere of my thoughts. Therefore in reality I am talking to myself with you being the bystander.
What I hope to achieve by being a conversational thinker is to enlighten myself of the things I observe on daily basis. If we keep plotting dots on a graph eventually a pattern will emerge. That is what these conversations are all about. The daily entries are dots on a graph. What is the pattern then? Well at the very least, I notice my thought are less turbulent.
If you notice, since 2017 my thoughts are becoming less and less intense. I have lesser conflict on matters that don't concern my well being. I am more relaxed in dealing with uncertainties. In addition I am more or less at peace with my very own existence. If before this the thought of God and No God was the dominant theme in my writings, now that is no longer my concern.
If previously I was consumed by my communication with Els and TraXX, all that I already put behind me. Also you may notice I am less jittery about my relationship with you. Hence communicating this way is kinda therapeutic for me.
I cannot be in total silence. Meditation is never my favorite subject. So is yoga and keeping quiet. I need an outlet to express myself. This method suits me fine.
Surely there are a lot of hit and miss issues with my communication in the past. What do you expect? I was mentally ill. There were things that make sense and there were things that was utter nonsense. I can safely say that whatever I wrote in Dreams of Mirrors are sensible.
With the rest of the blogs, I consider those thoughts as idea generators. They maybe true or they maybe not. However they were true at the point of inception. That is why I bundled them together as thoughts of the past 20 years.
As far as my forward thinking is concerned I believe in pantheism and the afterlife. However my priority is man fully functioning. I don't deny the epiphanies I experience before this. I however is not going to use that as my theme in laying out my foundation to move forward. Sufficient that I say I am a god although I don't feel comfortable claiming I am the Almighty even if you said I am Him.
There are so many things I don't know. To claim I am the Almighty means I had exhausted all the unknown avenue. In short I have [] know everything to be god. At best I can say that I don't know what I know and thus I operate from the capacity o[n] unconscious competence.
In that sense, Bill Gates is more godly than me because he definitely [] more things than me.
We will continue on this subject after I come back from dinner.
Later...
OK, the long and short of it, there is no certainty on the question of God and No God. It boils down to what do we believe. As I told you before, I have a believing mind. Therefore in believing in God, I take the stand all matters are gods. Since I am autonomous in my belief that I am god to my 12 meters square, I might as well consider that I am my own god.
Bear in mind, that I had KIV all these observations in the blogs before October. Beginning October I set a new premise for myself. I had accepted that I god as in I am a spiritual being experiencing a human experience. In this case, I am thinking on becoming a man fully functioning.
I had told you before, my idea of me being god is not about me being the omnipotent, omnipresence and omniscience god. That god is a superlative. I am not a superlative. What I am is a person who is acting on behalf of the superlative. As I said, I am a part of this no higher-arch-y structure. I am one of the cells that makeup the tree. My idea of the superlative god is the tree.
This thought is not a decree. I am very much tapping the resources inside me to explain the best way I can about my understanding [] me as a god. One thing I know I am not capable on my personal capacity to form Al Araf 7:7 and to think through about the Adjoining Croissant. It is an inspiration from somewhere and I am merely the receiver.
Think about it Sarah, why all of a sudden from the top of my career, I plummeted to rock bottom complete with an illness that was so alien to me? My journey for the past 20 years was like a story line from an epic movie. For so long I tried to stop it but I can't. Finally after all that's needed to be done were completed, the story ends. Who actually wrote the story? Bear in mind that I am just the lead actor in this story.
Why is it all the mishaps were within my ability to contain them including the financial disaster and the torment of dealing with the illness?
Why is it that you suddenly appear in my life when I need you the most?
Surely Sarah, there is a great planner who is overseeing this. These events were not random. There were signs upon signs that surfaced in a timely manner. You saw them. All the while I had been giving you proofs upon proofs of the evidence that our Path is not a coincidence. Perhaps as I said, 20 years ago I pledged to be the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier. I don't know how many out there who dare to make such a wish. As a result I was tested to the hilt. Also as a result I defeated Iblis.
For whatever it is worth, I survived the 20 years ordeal. However all those are memories. I got 22 years of life to live if the KBOOOM 2041 is true. I cannot be reminiscing my past history. I need to create a compelling future. To do that I must be in control of my present.
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Basically what I'm saying is I believe in those things I wrote. I believe in our destiny. That you are my wife here and the hereafter. The only this is I don't want to dwell in that anymore. So what if I am the Almighty? We can only find out after we are dead. Therefore I just accept the epiphanies and move on. That chapter of my life is over. I no longer have to doubt that I am god. That you too is god. Beyond the Tetrahedron and Al Araf 7:7, I have no interest. I am no longer interested in Els even.
Even though I had proved mathematically that Els and I are predestined affinity. That affinity also applicable to you. If Els is not convinced with my explanation then just like previous soulmates, we meet and depart EVEN if it is predestined affinity.
One thing you must understand Sarah, the Path has intersections. Not all will want to continue on the same path for eternity. We may be soulmates but we may depart at a certain intersection. You may be thinking along the same line. I hope not... After explaining in great detail about this concept, it is your best interest to continue until we reach the Dragon Planet. That's what it means when I marry you, I marry you for eternity.
This could also mean that Els is not my yuan fen til the end. I don't really know Sarah. It all depends on the Path that we take. At best I can put in an effort. The outcome is still dependent on what is predestined.
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