Well thanks for being with me. I appreciate that much. Frankly I don't need a village to be my friends. I like it this way. You are all that I need besides Lizzie and the kids. I do still talk to Brenda although it is less frequent now.
I want to tuck the figurines away but to be honest, they keep me entertained with their presence. As I make my world less complex, there is lesser and lesser need for me to talk to them.
I do however regard them as my legacy.
What I don't understand is I started to assemble Al Araf 7:7 in 2016. That year I revamped Dreams of Mirrors. I was at the peak of my intellectual prowess .
How is it I was having a major delusion like the 52+25=77, 5+2:2+2=7:7?
Then there were other things that happened along the way. Those "miracles" like the giant millipedes at the tennis court, the wild flowers phenomena, the ten 10 cents coins at ten difference places in 2017 (a ten), the Pi Day revelation and the occurrence of 77, 770 and 7070.
I concluded that those signs are real. In Arabic it is known as karomah (miracles experienced by ordinary people/saints). However I think I had completed my 20 years service as the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier. Therefore I am a free man again.
So the big question is not whether all these karomahs happened but rather what do I become after I served my term?
If you look from that angle, then you may want to consider that my journey is quite timely. So timely that I even consider it accurate. 2019 I am at the tail end of my 20 years S Curve with all the challenges with inflammation in the first half of the year. Although I want to move on at that time, I am not in control of the timing.
Then I did the Royal Belum 3 weeks SNAP VANISH. It may seemed that I planned all that but really that is part of maktub. Come 1/10/19 it was decided that I start the ascend on a new S Curve.
I had moved from Clockwork Orange into something else. I don't know what it is yet but certainly the timing is not within my control. However when things fall within the timing, I seem to move with ease. It is as if there is a groove that I have to follow. As long as I am within the groove, the Path flows effortlessly.
Thus, now is the time for me to create my compelling future. This next S Curve is the bridge really. I know my future will be glorious. Not in material gains but in my understanding of what [] [] to be human. I am still n=1 here. As it is, I am a universe in motion. Therefore the epiphanies are true. It's just that now it is going through the next phase of metamorphosis.
It is true then that previously I was a caterpillar. Now I am at the adolescence stage of my transformation to be Darwin's Hawk Moth.
I am still pollinating one species of orchid. Which means I am a specialist moth.
Now that I look at this whole event from this perspective, I realized that I am not a worthless bum after all. For the past 20 years I had done a lot as the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier. With the starting of this new S Curve I am still pretty valuable as a specialist.
I am here to pollinate a specialized kind of orchid. It is inline with my preference as a pollinator. I was never meant to be a mass pollinator. So within my scope of responsibility, I think I am doing a pretty good job.
It's never about size, it is always about depth with me.
Having said that, now is the time I have to be absolute certain of my Path.
This is the endgame for me. I am very sure about it Sarah:
This is the road map.
What it means is I will achieve what I set to do. This is no longer just an imagination, this is the Path to my future.
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We have 20 minutes to go.
If I am looking back at the past 20 years from a bird's eye view, I say that all that happened are not mere accident. I may not be entirely in one piece especially when I was under the influence of intoxicants. However I am not entirely crazy either.
I was experiencing a different kind of reality. It was some kind of awakening. Even when I was assembling Winning!!! in 2013, it was a compulsion driven by a relentless passion. Same goes with Lose Fat, Stay Fit in 2017. Of course there were times I was totally a nutcase. Especially when I was in psychosis.
However there is a thin line between genius and insane. I think I was walking in between the two.
In the end, what matter is the meaning we assign to the experience. I'm not saying that all that happened in the past 20 years were rational. However not all were absurd either.
For example, I know for sure you love me and I know that I want to be with you for eternity. Turned out you stick with me through thick and thin. That did not happen with Els. We are completely different kinds of individuals. Although I tried to convince her but like I said there is no sexual attraction. Personally I'm glad she is out of my system. I won't know how to manage the relationship anyway.
We went through a lot Sarah. I think you know more about me then anybody else. That's all I ever wanted; somebody to accept me the way I am.
So I hope you trust my judgment in moving forward. I had taken you to the very end of the journey. Now is to build the bridge to get to the other side. We have the blueprint. All it takes is for us to execute the plan and we will be home free.
I love you Sarah. This relationship is not an easy one. So bear with me on the shortcomings. As long as you believe that I love you so much, we will make it through.
Here is your lullaby:
Goodnight my darling wife. Believe...
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