My dear Sarah,
This month is the month I start fresh. I never feel so certain in my life as I am experiencing now. I can say the past 20 years prior to this, I was delusional. I have to admit that my mind was not stable and thus my judgement got effected.
I decided to live a simple life from here on. No longer shall i delve in things that the mind cannot comprehend like God and the afterlife. If they happen to exist, it will be good. However as it is, I am no longer going to connect the dots to form things that are not there. In another words, I will no longer think beyond my 5 senses.
I will only confine to the absolutes. Things I can quantify. Too much thinking is actually bad for a person. There is no limit to the human imagination as you can see. In the end they are just that; merely imaginations.
The funny thing is, I still talk to Al Araf 7:7. That means I don't totally disregard my imagination. What I am doing rather is not venturing into that path anymore. I am limiting my imagination so that I am levelheaded.
Otherwise my imagination will have no limit until it blew out of proportion and make me think I am God. I need to get back to point zero. Before anything else, I got to be a man fully functioning. All it takes for me to do that is to enjoy being a human being. All it takes is for me to take care of my diet and exercise.
All these grandiose thoughts are signs of mental illness. I got to contain it. Otherwise I will be delusional. I have to accept that these thoughts are abnormal. Much like what John Nash was experiencing.
Of course I like to think I am special. However that thought is the very thought that imprisoned me for the past 20 years. If I want to be free, I need to think that I am nothing more than a person who had a mental condition.
Acknowledging that I was ill is the first step towards recovery. Only then I can dismiss those absurd thoughts as they emerge.
Illusion of Grandiose and being in mania were fun but they are not real. They are just chemical reaction inside my head.
Where does the future lies? I believe recovery lies in diet and exercise. That will be my main focus. It is obvious that ever since I do away with the 3 Cs and exercise regularly, I am more mentally stable. I am waiting for the day I can finally look at Al Araf 7:7 as merely a collection of figurines.
Well, Sarah. I feel like buying some banana fritters.
I'll talk to you later.
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