I was having the thought of meeting BJ and smoke dope. I know if I smoke dope I will be hallucinating again, I will be munching and soon I will be smoking cigarettes. I cannot do that. I will only meet BJ in Ramadan; which is next 6 months.
I had set this year as the year I quit the 3 Cs. This is past the red line. I got to quit dope no matter what. Better that I overcome my depression by chewing Nicorette.
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As for recovering from Bipolar, I decided to do away with all notion about God and the afterlife. They don't contribute to my overall goal to be healthy and happy. Healthy here means both mental and physical health.
Believing in God and the afterlife is unnecessary. If they exist then it will be nice. If not then I will simplify my goals to a lifetime pursuit of health and happiness.
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I ate a lot this past 3 days. I was not following OMAD. I need to get back on track.
I get depressed when I don't chew Nicorette. Now I get the nicotine dose, I am happily clawing away my keyboard. Not a care in the world.
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So basically, it's all the effect of chemical in the brain. When I have my dopamine hits, I am back to my cheery disposition.
So today I just blasted my thoughts to those people in my circle:
- BJ
- RR
- Master Jedi
- Munek
- Nellie
- Azzue
- Yati
This is basically it:
I am no longer concerned with good and evil. What concerns me is whether my offering will be acceptable.
So we are back to where we started. I have to admit, you are right all along. Therefore I only deal with things that matters; diet and exercise, OMAD and AHAD.
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In the past, I got into trouble because of my beliefs. I believed in the indoctrination that happened in a distant place in a distant time thinking that they know better. Turned out I was duped into believing in a mentally ill person.
Indeed my illness is a lesson and a blessing. I am wiser now when I decided to just rely on my faculty. With the exception of Master Jedi, the rest of those that I know are Coolers. So I am not losing anything by being who I am. As a warrior I stand alone.
After all I am the Spartan Cleaner. So what if I am crazy? All I ever wanted is to be healthy and happy. I am moving toward that direction now. Every day I am progressively moving towards my worthy ideal.
I am going there with just a handful of people, my Tetrahedron.
I rather be in the minority that is right than the majority that is wrong.
Jallaludin Rumi is certainly a good model to follow although he is limited by his own paradigm. In the end I don't follow anybody. I just set my own course.
I am who I am. Even if it means I walk the Path alone.
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